sometimes it blows my mind.

i mean life. how weird it is. how hard. how cruel.

as i sit here typing this, someone i know is at the children’s hospital watching their child work so hard to get healthy.

someone else i know is fighting for her life after a ski accident.

someone else is a mother and expecting. (well there are multiple of these someones :))

someone else is traveling far away.

someone else is trying to find the perfect job to feel they have a purpose in life.

someone is so lonely.

someone else is trying to help parents learn to love each other again.

someone else is trying to follow a calling and in need of support.

someone else is in need of direction.

someone else is serving in missions somewhere.

friends and loved ones all over the country… well actually, all over the world, going through things. hard things. deep things. life-changing things. things i can’t really help them with.

it’s hard to believe when and understand why hard things happen. sometimes it feels so unfair when bad things happen. why them, God? why her? why are you allowing this to happen to him?

to be honest, i think of this quote i just saw from St. Teresa of Avila who says to God, “If this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few!”

eek. can we be so honest? does it sometimes feel like not only is the whole world against us, but sometimes… sometimes it feels like God isn’t even protecting us from the evils of this life? i cringe to write that. but in the back of my mind, i wonder how can a loving God allow this to happen?  i hear that a lot. sometimes it’s just in my own head, but often it’s in the questions of other believers wondering, sometimes it’s in the probing questions of non-believers mocking my belief in light of all of this.

but lately i’ve been thinking. is any of this fair?

i mean really, is it fair that i have a great job and husband and home, that i was born lucky enough to be in a loving family, that i have food every single day-every single meal. is it fair that i have clean water while so many of the world doesn’t? that i have friends to go on walks with, to talk with, and laugh with?And yet, I take it all for granted.

and really. i mean REALLY. is it FAIR that i have eternal life? because of faith i believe that my sins are covered by the grace of God-through what Jesus did on the cross. it is only by faith that I can claim His saving grace. is that really fair? Because i’m more than sure that i don’t deserve this. i’m a selfish, ugly little person who so often forgets about others. i focus on my own problems, i get jealous and i lie and cheat  with the best of them.  i am SO undeserving of the grace that a sovereign God gives. We can do NOTHING to earn our salvation-because we just can never be “good enough”.

Fair would be getting what we deserve. What i deserve is eternal separation from LOVE.  From an Almighty and Perfect God.

God never promises that life on this earth will be easy. but HE does promise, all over the bible, that He is HERE. He is now and He is forever. (Heb.13:8) He has a plan and a purpose for us.(Jer.29:11) He has called us to bring Him glory.(Isaiah 43:7) He has forgiven us and taken away our sins. (Isaiah 43:25) and all we have to do is trust in Him. He will help along the way and He will never be apart from us because nothing can separate us from Him(Romans 8:38-39)

so all that rambling about fairness and all i’ve really figured it out is that i do not even deserve what i already have.

i rejoice that i don’t have a “fair” life. suffering will come to everyone in different ways.  it is sad and it is hard, but God never leaves us. (Deut. 3:16) He has suffered more than we ever will… for. our. sake. we can cry to him like the psalmist. we can scream at him and bang our hands against his chest like a little child having a tantrum in her daddy’s arms. but that’s just it… we’re in His arms.

read that part again.

even when the world is falling apart around us… we are IN HIS embrace.

so all i can do with all the hard things right now… is get on my knees, cry into His chest, and pray.

will you join me?

 

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